Have you ever run into someone you've not seen in awhile and although you knew they looked familiar, it wasn't until they reintroduced themselves that your visual of them shifted and the old picture in your mind's eyes was replaced by the now version of how they really look? I think that's how adoption is. You go into it with ideas, visions, of how you think things are going to be, but at some point, you have to adjust those visions to reality.
Many parents think they are going to pick up there child and instantly be in love with that child, but in fact, although we love them with the love of God, sometimes the parents may not even like the child. I know! <gasp> That's just awful, but let's face it, sitting up at 4 in the morning with little Johnnie or Susie can tax even the most patient of parents. We get frustrated with the child, and frustrated with ourselves. We think we're awful parents because how could someone not love this child, but in reality, it's normal. Given time we can grow to love the child and them us. We are prefect strangers usually.
So parents don't berate yourselves when your precious little pumpkin seems more like a little stranger, a little stinker of a stranger at that. Give yourself and your new youngin' some slack and realize that relationships take time to build. Adjust your vision of how you thought things were to match how they are. It may not be the reality you envisioned, but it may be better than you could ever have imagined!