Have you noticed how many of us going through the adoption process are asking for peace and expressing anxiety about the timing, the process, the government, the agency and so much more? Many of us are Christians who have accepted what we know in our hearts to be the James 1:27 calling to adopt, yet we are plagued with anxieties through the entire process.
Over twenty years ago, when I first became a foster/adoptive parent, I had the blessing of being given two beautiful little girls to foster. Having two bio-sons, then 12 and 8, made having two little girls that much more thrilling. This time I could buy little dresses and matching bows and sock and anything else cute and frilly.
In the first four years of fostering them, I went through so many stages. At first, they were just foster children. I loved them very much, but also wanted very much for them to be able to return to their bio-mother. After working with her for two years, DSS realized that was not going to be in their best interest. And, after the older one was diagnosed with many special needs, DSS began to look to me as a possible adoptive placement.
So for the next couple years we battle time, and the court system, for termination, and then their was the inevitable appeal, and another 18 months of waiting for the court system. By this time, I knew they were mine no matter what possibilities there were, and I had a peace that no one could take them. Of course this was developed over seven years; nothing quick about that.
So skip ahead to the past five years, and learning those lessons over again. Jode and I have had 24 precious kids come through our home from ages 0 - 16. Many times, we thought we were going to get to keep them only to have them returned to a not-so-wonderful situation. Our hearts have been broken, we have asked God "why?", but finally have learned, again, that if it is not His perfect will, we do not want it for us, or them, because only in that will can there be His perfect peace that passes all understanding.
Now that we are going through international adoption, we are again hearing "you need to hurry", and at first, I fell for it, but thankfully had a check in my heart to slow down. Had I fallen for the rush, rush, rush of our initial agency, I would have been out over $10,000 when they came to us four months later and said "oh, by the way, we regret to inform you we are not going to proceed." And of course, that contract said all monies are non-refundable. That check in my heart to slow down, meant we only lost $1300, instead. The second, third, forth and fifth agencies we interviewed all said the same thing basically "You need to hurry because I got a special clearance for you" or something like that. I was surprised at how many said the same thing. I wondered, do they teach them that in SW school? International Adoption 101 - how to motivate someone whose heart is already on their sleeve. Not cool. I did meet two social worker who did not do that, and one who actually kept asking me if I was sure this is what we wanted to do. Now her, I would recommend in a heartbeat.
So I'm asking you, is this your calling and if so, are you trusting the One who called to truly work all things for your, and your child's, good? Have you laid all your endeavors at the foot of the cross, and if so, are you leaving them there for Him to work out? Like the story of the little boy with the broken toy who gave it to his dad to fix only to keep taking it back before his father was done, God can't fix it, if you keep taking it up. Ask Him what it is that you are to be doing, but also realize that sometimes, it is just to be still and wait.