Be Slow to Speak

I’ve been taking a poll as to how many other adoptive parents feel the same way I do before I said anything.  I wanted to make sure it wasn’t just me being over sensitive.  In chatting with many I have come to the conclusion it’s not.  So, I’m going to put this out there.

Please think before you speak about and around my children.   I’ve heard many statements in front of my kids, or within ear short, which are hurtful. 

For instance, “I’m just going to take this one home with me.” 

Now why would you say that?  Yes, they are cute, but you must have no clue what sort of trauma an adopted child may have gone through, some in several homes before finally being adopted, some abandoned in orphanages for many years and now you want to add to their already, possible, insecurity by making them wonder if someone else is going to take them yet again?  And even if the adorable little one you have in your arms is too young to understand what you’re saying, his/her older sibling is probably close by and is now worried that someone will “just take him” or his/her baby brother or sister.  After all, Mommy and Daddy just brought them home.  You also must have no clue how much time, tears, persistence, prayer, paperwork, patience and money it takes to complete an adoption.  There’s no “just taking” anything. 

And then there’s this one.  “How can you do that at your age?” 

Really?  Do I look like I have one foot in the grave?  Honestly, I can better do this at my age now, than I could have 20 years ago.  I have a lot more parental experience and much more patience.  It also floors me that anyone would think that caring for our children is difficult.  Until just recently, I was an international business woman, managing many projects across many countries, to include the personnel, all at once.  Believe me, taking care of my children is a breeze.

And what about this one?  “Do you have help with them?”

Why? Help because they do . . . what?  I know many, now days, who think six children are a lot, but it wasn’t too many generation ago that multiple children, meaning more than the 2.5 average, was normal.  This is our choice, and what we feel God has called us to do.  If it’s not yours, then more power to you.  Like David said to King Saul, I can’t wear your armor.  What God has called us to, He has also equipped us to do.  It’s my opinion that you’re the one who is missing out on the fun.  We believe the more the merrier!

I was also told of a statement made around my children, while they were standing there, in regards to their being adopted and another child being a bio-kid.  Please don’t do that.  God knew our kids before they were born, and whether bio or adopted, he knew they were to be ours.  He created them just for us.  They are no more or less part of the family because of their adoption.  Are you any less a child of God due to your adoption into the family of God?

I have many more statements from people which have made me wince and scared my kids, but I won’t write them here.  Suffice it to say that you really need to think before you speak in all cases, but especially around my kids.  Believe me when I say, and some of you have heard this, those are fighting words.  I’d hate to have to go all Momma Bear on ya! ;-)

James 1:19 says we should be quick to listen and slow to speak.  Listen to your inner self. If it would hurt your feelings, don’t you think it hurts me/my children too?

I’ll get off my soapbox now.

Blessings,

Kel